The Letter
by Wolfen Artist of KilGuin
Summary: Lexaeus notices decorations for a certain holiday while out on a mission one day and decides to write a letter to Vexen he's kept himself from writing for a long time. After it's delivered, all that's left is to see how the blonde will react. Three-shot written as a gift back in V-Day. Reviews and feedback are always welcome, sorry about the crap title
1. The Letter

A/N: Hello my lovely readers! It's been ages since I posted something. This piece was actually written all the way back in February as a gift to two lovely cosplayers on tumblr, freezepride and scarecrowartist. They are a couple and they cosplay Vexen and Lexaeus. They are both absolutely lovely people and I wrote this as a special gift to them. It's already been posted on Tumblr but I finally decided that I would post it here as well.

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts or it's characters. I only own this story.

I hope you all enjoy.

Wolf-chan out.

* * *

Dear Even,

I know you prefer being called by Vexen, but I cannot write this letter while thinking of you by that name. On a mission recently, I saw several places that were decorated for Valentine's Dar. I know you'll probably be quite cross with me for even paying attention to such a holiday that you deem so frivolous and unnecessary, but I believe that the punishment of having to listen to one of your lectures about how we have no hearts well worth the risk.

Despite having listened to your lectures and explanations hundreds, even thousands of times in the past, I am still certain that we can still feel to an extent. I know this because I still have the same yearning to protect Zexion that I first had when he was still little Ienzo and I still feel the same emotions and sensations towards you that I felt when I was still Aeleus, even though they are somewhat muted now. I still care for you, just as I did before. My chest feels the same ache whenever I see your weariness in the deep bruises beneath your eyes and the hunch in your shoulders after a night where you've once again forgone sleep in favor of working through the night in your labs. My arms yearn to hold you close and comfort you as I once did whenever I see you becomes frustrated with one of your experiments. Your face remains the only one I wish to see besides me when I lay down to sleep at night and the first one I see when I wake each morn.

I wish for things to return to the way they were before we lost our hearts and you first pushed me away. If you were to ever ask for me to be yours again in the way I was all those years ago, I would tell you that you need not even ask for I have always remained faithful despite not being allowed to remain at your side and never, not even for a moment, did I stop being yours. Throughout all this time, I have continued to care for you with all that I am, even without my heart.

What I really want to say, Even, is that my heart and soul still belong to you. My heart was, is, and always will belong to you, even now when I lack a heart to give. So, please, remember that if all others abandon you, you will never be alone for I will forever be at your side to stand by you and support you. Even, no one in any of the worlds will ever love another more than I love you. Yes, I love you, Even. I always have and as I said before, I always will, even long after I have died and faded into nothingness. My hearts has really never been truly lost for the entire time it has been with you.

Yours Truly,

Aeleus

P.S. Happy Valentine's Day


	2. The Reaction

Vexen looks down at the envelope in his hand, a bit perplexed. It had been left outside the door to his lab with his name on it. It doesn't take longer than a second for him to recognize Lexaeus' handwriting. A small frown crosses his ace at this. Why would Lexaeus write him a letter instead of just coming to talk to him in person? Stepping back into his labs, whatever small errand he'd been about to go run forgotten, he returns to his desk, sitting down as he opens the envelope.

As he reads through the letters' contents, a multitude of different expressions journey across his face, settling in a frown at the ache which develops in his chest as he takes in what is written. Had he still had a heart, he would say that the sensations would be from feelings of sadness, perhaps even longing for what the letter speaks of.

The fact that the red-head choose to use his somebodies name bothers him greatly. There are reasons no one in the Organization uses them after all. Their somebodies names belonged to beings who had their hearts and could still feel. To use those names now when they no longer have their hearts would be disrespectful to the people they had once been.

Vexen especially hates it when his old name is used by Lexaeus or Zexion. It dredges up memories that he's worked hard to lock away in the darkest recesses of his mind. Memories of taking little Ienzo to get ice cream, teaching the boy new things, and of watching Aeleus carry the boy back to bed when he'd yet again fallen asleep while reading in the library. Recalling memories like these, memories which were precious to Even despite the fact that neither Even nor Vexen would ever admit to them being so, and being able to recall the events but not the feelings that he felt during them, only mere pitiful shadows of them, causes a horrible aching pain to erupt in Vexen's chest.

His memories of Ienzo aren't even the ones which cause him the most pain. That title belongs to those which Vexen shares with Lexaeus of their time spent together as Even and Aeleus. Recalling those memories causes Vexen a pain like no other. Those memories of a broad chest that he would rest his head upon as he was lulled to sleep by the steady heartbeat within, of strong arms which would encompass him completely and cocoon him in their protective embrace, of warm hands that stroked his hair when he slept and rubbed his back and shoulders in silent comfort and support when he's become upset or frustrated.

The very worst of them are of a large, strong body that laid with him countless nights and shared with him the greatest heights of pleasure that his body has ever known. Which, when they were done and Even was still struggling to regain his breath, held him close and caressed him with such a loving and gently touch that made him feel safer and move loved than he'd ever felt with any other.

Those memories, which were once treasured above all others by Even, do nothing but bring a terrible aching pain to Vexen now. This is why Vexen strives not to remember those days, instead choosing to focus on the present and his research to find a way for them to regain their hearts. He's striven for year to force all of those memories back into the darkest places of his mind.

Lexaeus' letter is only bringing all of them back to the surface, flooding Vexen's mind with their painful presence and making him double over in pain. Some of the memories that now flood his mind aren't of Even and Aeleus but of the days soon after they awoke as Vexen and Lexaeus, when Vexen first pushed the other away. The red-head had wished to attempt to continue their relationship the way it was before, but Vexen had wanted no such thing, believing it would only hurt them and so he withdrew inside himself and locked Lexaeus out.

Even with doing this, Vexen still feels remnants of the emotions he once held for the other man and the pain of forcing the one who he'd once cared for so much and who had cared for him in return away so suddenly and depriving them both of the comfort they may have been able to offer each other cuts him deeply with each passing day.

There are still nights where Vexen is kept awake for hours with thoughts of how things might be now if only he hadn't chosen to push Lexaeus away back then. He always believed that it was far too late to try and repair all the damage he had done, especially with how they are now without their hearts. He believed that if he had any chance at all it would be best if he waited until they had regained their hearts once again/

Reading this letter though, it makes Vexen wonder if there is a chance for him to try and fix things with Lexaeus even now. He knows that he greatly dislikes how things are between them and if he could fix them he would in an instant. Now though, when he's being given a chance to do just that, he's freezing up, no pun intended. He's never been at all good with romance in any way. It had always been Aeleus who had initiated and planned aby romantic things they'd done. Vexen's not sure where he should even start to try and fix things between them.

He can recall that sometimes Aeleus would get Even flowers and that different flowers have different meanings. He could ask for help from Marluxia with picking them out, but he'd rather die than ask him for help. He decides instead to look on the internet for the meanings and go into Twilight Town or some other world to get the actual flowers. He could probably make something for them to eat too. He makes a face at that one, realizing that if he did that they'd both get sick. He can't cook to save his life. He supposes he will have to but that as well, rather than risk giving them both food poisoning.

Vexen sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. He can feel a headache coming on. He can't give up though. He knows that he wants to repair his relationship with Lexaeus now when he has the chance, even if he ends up with a huge headache in the end. If he succeeds than, it will be worth whatever headaches he may get.


	3. The Response

Several hours after he'd first found the letter outside of his lab door, Vexen stands outside Lexaeus' door. He has a small group of flowers in his hand. He'd spent ages looking up the meanings of different flowers before he ended up settling on these. He'd gotten some purple hyacinth which mean "I am sorry" and "Please forgive me," some primrose which represent "I can't live without you," and a single red rose in full bloom which is meant to mean "I still love you." He can only hope that these flowers are able to tell Lexaeus what he cannot put into words. In his pocket, he also has a small box of chocolates which he remembers that Lexaeus had liked when he was still Aeleus.

He's been standing outside of this door for several minutes, trying to force himself to knock. It takes much longer than he'd care to admit before he can bring himself to do so. Once he does, he practically holds his breath as he waits anxiously for the other to answer.

After a few moments, the door opens and Lexaeus appears. He looks surprised to see Vexen standing there, especially with flowers. Vexen shoves them forward as he looks to the side, avoiding Lexaeus' gaze as a blush spreads over his thin face. He didn't actually think through what he was going to say when he showed up here and he's greatly regretting that now.

"I have come to…regret my actions back then. I would…I would like for us to start again…if you would not be opposed to it," he manages to say before he falls silent, waiting with bated breath to see how Lexaeus will react.

Lexaeus look between Vexen and the flowers. He does not know enough about them to know all of their meaning but he knows that purple hyacinth are meant to ask for forgiveness and a single rose in full bloom means I love you or I still love you. It doesn't take much between them and Vexen's words for Lexaeus to recognize that Vexen is trying to apologize for his actions in pushing Lexaeus away and wishes to repair their relationship is he can.

Several seconds pass in tense silence before Vexen feels Lexaeus' larger hands take the flowers from him. The red-head steps aside and saps, "You can come in if you'd like. I'm sure that you'd rather not have this conversation in the hallway."

The blonde nods in agreement and steps into the room, avoiding looking at the other man while they lock the door and set the flowers down on his desk, intending on getting a vase and some water for them later. Lexaeus turns back to face Vexen and leans against the edge of his desk. They remain like that for several minutes, a pregnant silence falling between them.

"So….I take it you received my letter?" Lexaeus says, breaching the silence at last.

Vexen nods his head affirmative.

"It…it gave me quite a lot to think about," he replies, his voice quiet.

"Good things, I hope."

"Painful things, but things that needed to be thought about."

Lexaeus looks down, silently cursing. He regrets bringing up such painful thoughts for Vexen. It was not his wish to hurt the other with his letter.

"I'm sor-"

"Don't apologize. I've repressed them for far too long. It was high time that I dealt with them. You merely helped to get me thinking," Vexen says cutting him off.

"But I never meant for my letter to cause you such pain."

Vexen waves it off, replying, "I deserved it. You have every right to want to hurt me after what I've done to you. No doubt my foolish actions the past few years have caused you immeasurable pain. For that, I should be the one to apologize, even though a thousand of my pitiful apologies would not be enough to atone for what I've done."

He looks down then, not wanting to see what king of expression Lexaeus is showing. After a minute, he feels a very familiar warm hand on his chin, lifting Vexen's face to look at Lexaeus'. The look on the red-head's face if the same gentle expression that Vexen can remember being directed towards him countless times when they were somebodies. It makes his chest ache at receiving that look yet again. Little did Vexen know, he never stopped receiving it, he merely stopped noticing it.

"You don't have to apologize, Even. You have not done anything to warrant the need for one," Lexaeus replies softly.

Vexen shakes his head, exclaiming, "No! I have! I've hurt you so much! How can you not hate me after all that I've done to hurt you?" A burning feeling is building up behind his eyes, but he squeezes them shut, refusing to let himself cry. He cannot let himself be that weak. Despite his best efforts, one tear rolls down his cheek.

Lexaeus gently wipes it away with his thumb. "Open your eyes, Vexen. Please look at me," he urges gently.

It takes a bit more coaxing before Vexen opens his eyes and looks at Lexaeus with a gaze blurred by tears.

"Vexen, what you did, you did because you feared being hurt and I could never hate you for merely trying to protect yourself from more pain. I loved you so much when I was still Aeleus and you were Even. Despite the fact that we have lost our hearts, my feelings for you remain the same as they even were. Just because I cannot feel them with the same intensity that I once could, does not mean they have changed in the least. They will always star the same, even when we gain our hearts back, my love for you will not fade even the smallest bit," he says, that gentle smile not leaving his face the entire time. When he finishes, he presses a gentle kiss to Vexen's forehead.

By now, tears are pouring down Vexen's cheeks unchecked. He wonders how he could have ever been blessed enough to have someone like Lexaeus caring or him so much. The red-head pulls the blonde close to his chest, rubbing Vexen's back and stroking his hair in the same comforting way that he would all those years ago. He doesn't speak or judge Vexen at all. He merely lets the blonde cry himself out against his chest, pressing soft kisses into his hair and murmuring sweet nothings to him in a quiet voice.

Lexaeus lets a small smile cross his lips at being able to act as a support and comfort to the man he's loved for so many years. Vexen's correct in the fact that being forced away had hurt Lexaeus deeply, but he could never bring himself to hate Vexen even the smallest bit for he knows that it hurt Vexen just as much if not more to do so. He had then resolved to stay faithful to Vexen and support him in whatever way he was able to until Vexen allowed him to be with him like this again. No matter what, he'd always stayed loyal to Vexen above any other and he always will.

After several minutes, Vexen calms down and is able to stop crying. He steps back and wipes away the last of his tears. "Thank you, Lexaeus. I owe you far more than I could ever hope to repay," He says.

Lexaeus lets his smile widen a bit as he shakes his head, replying, "You need not worry about replaying me. Being able to see you smile and help make you as happy as I can is enough for me."

He leans down placing a gentle kiss on Vexen's lips. The shorter male responds, pressing back and holding onto Lexaeus tightly as he relishes in the wonderful sensation that he'd denied both of them for so long. It was like breathing clean air again after being trapped in a dank cell for countless years. When they separate for air, Lexaeus speaks up again.

"Why don't we go lay down. You look exhausted and I'd like to stay close to you for a little while longer," he suggests.

Vexen nods in agreement and removes his coat. He can't lay down in it comfortably. He reaches into the pocket and retrieves the small box of chocolate he'd brought and gives it to Lexaeus. The man merely smiles and sets it aside with the flowers for later.

They lay down on the bed together, their bodies seeming to fall back into the positions they'd always been most comfortable in, like lost puzzle pieces falling into place at last. They talk well into the night with Lexaeus the first to succumb to sleep. Vexen lays awake for a little while longer, watching his lover sleep. He smiles at being able to once again call the other by the title. He soon drifts off to join him in sleep, for the first time in many years, content.


End file.
